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Hurting wife, is your marriage falling apart?
Over the years, many wives have written in, experiencing the pain and anguish of marriages gone sour. That’s why today, my special guests are two sweet friends who almost lost their marriages too.
But they didn’t. They are each living a second chance and sharing their stories from their book, Hope for the Hurting Wife. I’m thrilled to welcome my pals, Rebekah and Jen as they give fresh hope for you, dear hurting wife!
Dear hurting wife, exhaustion drew us apart
The first year with our second son was nothing that I dreamed of when I thought of raising children. He was sweet, he was fun, but he had struggles that we did not know about, and for the second half of his first year, he only slept for 45 minutes at a time – day and night. Not only were my husband and I not sleeping in the same bed much, but we also weren’t sleeping. That wears on you as a person; it also wears on you as a couple.
We spent whatever free time we had trying to rest, even just for a few minutes. Both of us grew frustrated with the other because neither of us put effort into anything. We developed our coping mechanisms individually, we simply tried to survive, and we did not make any attempt to grow together during that time.
That set a dangerous precedent for how we would face tough situations.
We continued to grow as a couple, but when times got tough, it was so easy to retreat into the protection of our hearts. He retreated to the point where it almost cost us our marriage, and I found it increasingly difficult to rely on him for emotional support. If I felt hopeless in those five months when our son wasn’t sleeping, you can imagine how much more hopeless I felt on the day that my marriage almost fell apart.
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It has been a long, dark road to navigate the issues in our marriage.
The world’s “wisdom” has been to give up, to give in, to focus on me rather than on us. But friends, just because someone breaks a vow to us does not mean we have to break our vow to them, despite what the world wants to speak into our lives. Sometimes we just need someone who can speak hope and truth into our lives – the truth that you can survive, that you will find hope again.
Jen and I never intended to write Hope for the Hurting Wife, but as God brought us together in several writing groups, and as we grew brave to share our stories, He planted the seed for this book. Over time we saw the need for a book that offers hope in the tough times of marriage, and after a lot of prayers, we decided to share our stories.
We know the depths of struggling marriage, and we also know the victory of watching God restore our marriages and our faith in Him. This book is about more than just restoration of your marriage, it’s about digging deeper in your faith with God despite what issues you face. We pray this book is a blessing to you!
Dear hurting wife, we quit giving
Before I married my husband, I never thought the word divorce would be part of our vocabulary. I was the good, Christian girl who married the preacher boy, so we were destined to lead a blessed life, right? But less than a year into our marriage, we discovered that we were two imperfect people with two very different personalities, both dealing with some major baggage from the past.
As we added children to our family, life grew hectic, and we grew apart. It didn’t happen all at once – this distance in our relationship – rather, it was a slow fade from intimate friendship to a barely-there partnership. Mothering our boys, especially our strong-willed guy, sapped my strength and energy, and at the same time, my husband worked multiple jobs to provide for our family. We both felt depleted, nothing more to give.
So we quit giving.
We quit meeting each other’s needs because our own needs weren’t being met. We quit valuing one another. Instead of working together against life’s problems and our marriage issues, we worked against each other. Those were dark years for us.
At one point, I remember asking the Lord to just take me home because life was too painful, marriage was too painful. I had lost all hope.
That’s where Hope for the Hurting Wife comes from – this place of desperation that so many women experience when marriage doesn’t go as planned. Amid that kind shame, it’s easy to believe that we are all alone. But friend, you’re not alone! There are so many wives out there dealing with difficult marriages, too. Through this book, we desire to help all hurting wives reclaim hope in their marriages by looking to the only true source of hope Himself!
PURCHASE HOPE FOR THE HURTING WIFE
God gave Rebekah a front-row seat to the work of His redemption in her marriage. After surviving the initial trauma, she determined to fix her eyes solely on Jesus and trusted Him to carry her through the storm that followed. Rebekah shares not only her heartache but also her great hope with other wives so they might know God still redeems, even in the toughest of circumstances.
Now, years later, she praises God for restoring her marriage.
Rebekah co-leads an online community for struggling wives around the world and shares encouragement for those who face the daunting task of surviving the “for worse” of marriage. You can learn more about her ministry to wives at her blog, Sharing Redemption’s Stories.
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Grown missionary kid, mother of four, and wife to a church planter, Jen Stults is a work-in-progress woman who seeks to find confidence in Christ alone. As a disciple-maker, author, and speaker, she encourages women who feel frustrated by failure and plagued by perfectionism.
Her heart’s desire is for women everywhere to experience the abundant life God has planned for them by finding freedom in their identity in Christ. She writes about the struggle to embrace everyday grace in the areas of faith, marriage, and parenting at her blog, Being Confident of This.